So I haven’t written in a while. I’m alive, if anyone stumbles upon this and reads it. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately as I haven’t been posting, I still haven’t really shared that I blog with people I personally know. Nor too many strangers really, considering I’ve also been “missing in action” from the online community I found around the same time I started blogging (Christian Chat if anyone is curious/interested and isn’t here from there). I did post some things through a different YouTube account and met at least one nice person with whom I chatted about their Buddhist beliefs and my belief in Jesus. We both learned some things from each other and were happy to share. I love when that happens.
Anyway, the past year and a half has probably been crazy for everybody if not most people in one way or another. It completely messed with the way our lives were going and while at first I had been optimistic, things didn’t exactly get better and we’re still dealing with everything. I can only hope things don’t get worse, but I really can’t imagine dealing with everything if I didn’t have God. I hope if you are reading this that you and your family are okay. If you ever need a friend, even if we haven’t talked in years or even if we’ve never met, feel free to contact me and reach out. Nobody should face everything alone. I’m not perfect, but the reason I can keep getting back up and smiling is God. I wish I could share that with people, but I don’t know how. That’s partly why I’ve “disappeared.” I don’t think I’m capable of sharing any words of comfort to those that are suffering other than to say that God does care and He cries with us. I don’t know about you, but so far there have been maybe over 20 people in our extended family that have tested positive for the virus and of those, 4 have passed away. The most recent was a great-aunt about a month ago now. In January my aunt passed away about a week after my dog did. A co-worker of mine just lost her mom. My dad lost a friend. And I have a friend who’s gone through some rough times as well. These things aren’t even half of what people I know or know of have experienced lately. I really don’t know how people would deal with it all without God. For believers, I’m glad we have our Comforter who gives us peace despite all our trials and suffering. And we know one day there will be no more pain or tears. We can still miss those that have left. There’s no need to feel bad for crying. Ecclesiastes reminds us there’s a time to laugh and a time to weep. For now, at least we have the hope of seeing our loved ones again in heaven. Still, considering all of that, the past year or more could be described as the year of death or loss. Loss because besides losing loved ones, many people also lost their jobs. I did and the wait was long, but fortunately I was able to return. So why is there pain and suffering? I can’t answer that. There are tons of books and possible answers, and even some of the books in the Bible touch on it like the book of Job, Habakkuk, or Ecclesiastes. The thing is, we won’t always have an answer. God is the one that knows. And He’s not indifferent as some may think. When Lazarus died, even Jesus wept. Even though he knew he was about to resurrect him. Jesus wept for Jerusalem when they didn’t recognize their messiah. He also cried out on the cross, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” So he knows what it’s like to feel abandoned in pain. He took all that on for us. Who among us would lay down their life for someone, let alone do it for those that mock and harm them? It’s hard to explain to someone that doesn’t believe. I also think there’s a difference between head-knowledge and knowing something in your heart. That’s why the Bible says we should love God with our whole heart, mind, and soul. You can be told God loves you and what Jesus did for you hundreds of times, but how many of us believers actually feel it in our hearts? I think that was a game changer for me back when I felt God’s love in 2012. At a point where I felt like He didn’t care, He showed me just a little bit of how much He does and I’m still grateful. I don’t know why, but I recently heard two things I will quote that seem to be true. One is a quote from a Korean drama called Rain or Shine. It’s about two survivors of a building collapse and the family members that were lost or left behind. The character Min-Su said, “They say that life is the process of getting used to saying goodbye, but they’re wrong. No one in the world can get used to saying goodbye.” It seems that’s a “theme” or the “story of my life” sometimes. Even though many of these losses weren’t through death, moving also causes you to lose many of the friends you leave behind. No matter how close you were or how much you plan to keep in touch, distance is not good for relationships in general. If anything, I should consider it a miracle for my longest-lasting friendships. I still remember all of them fondly and I’m sure many of them cherish the fun times we had as well. I still consider them friends even if we’ve lost touch. Whether they do the same or still remember or think of me now and then I don’t know, but everybody gets busy living their lives and it’s hard to stay in touch for various reasons. I also have a great time when we visit family or family comes to visit us, but except for a few family members our contact is sporadic at best or lacking until the next time we meet in person. If you live near your families, consider that a blessing no matter how much they may drive you crazy. At least I am blessed to be close to my immediate family and that’s only for as long as God allows. There are no guarantees and I for one am going to enjoy them while I have them because they or I could be gone from this world at any time. The next quote is from our church’s pastor who said, “We live in a world where our sorrows and joys are mingled.” Through experience, I keep finding that as well. There were two examples of this from my past job. On the day that I got a phone interview and job offer I also had just had a baby blue jay die in my hands with nothing I could do for it. On the day that I went to pick up paperwork for that job, my guinea pig wasn’t moving to greet me that morning. Since I couldn’t deal with that then, I told myself maybe she was sleeping and went in smiling. But on the drive home, I just knew what awaited me and I was already crying before I confirmed that she had passed away. I think through experience I’ve gotten a bit better at compartmentalizing and being able to not think about sad things when I need to work, though my grades never suffered in school either when I did have a hard time. This past year and a half has been like that. While it can be described as a time of death and loss, it was also a time to rest and spend time with family. Maybe not initially when everybody was quarantined and isolated, but later when things opened up I think many people started to spend more times with their families. Realizing that we don’t know what the future holds and the time alone causing us to miss each other. Time with family was one of the greatest blessings as usually everybody is busy working or going to school, but then suddenly everybody was forced to stay home and work or go to school online. Crazy times for sure, but also hopefully times where families were able to become closer. So many things have happened or not happened. I think this past year and a half was especially good for self-reflecting. Though personally I think my default was denial and escapism. I can’t keep avoiding what I feel called to do though. Will the next year finally be the time I start to share a bit more about Jesus with others? I feel like I have little attempts here and there, but like I want to do more and haven’t had the courage to. And even if I did, who would actually take the time to read? It might be a relief if nobody reads what I write, but also seems a bit pointless to be writing to nobody when there are so many people out there that are looking for something they don’t know. Like the people Paul preached to that were worshiping “to an unknown god” and Paul said he came to tell them who it was. Why get lost or waste time when, if we’ve learned anything the past year and a half, it’s that our time is limited and we can’t predict what tomorrow may bring. And yet it is so easy nowadays to waste time and escape. It’s great when you can, but that also seems pointless if that’s all you do. There should be a balance. Maybe that can be a new goal for the upcoming year. Finding a better balance and re-focus on sharing about Jesus. How about you? What might you do better in the upcoming year? With God all things are possible. If you don’t yet believe in or know about Jesus, I hope that can be one of your goals for the new year. Seek and you shall find. I’ll end with a hopefully encouraging quote from Paul. “We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed…” (2 Corinthians 4:8-9). Take care all and remember, you are not alone and God does care. Comments are closed.
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DisclaimerWhile I love open discussions, not all internet users are kind. I'd like to build people up, not have others cut people down. Therefore, no comments, but feel free to email me if there's something you'd like to share with me. Archives
July 2020
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