“Wait! It’s not ready yet! You can’t look!” How many times have we heard or used these words? Waiting until something is “ready” or “done” before you share or show it is one thing, doing this with ourselves is another. I don’t know about you, but I struggle a little with perfection. Don’t think that refers to Martha Stewart organization or anything, far from it. I’m thinking more along the lines of personality and tasks. Like sometimes I’m afraid of taking on a new task that seems too overwhelming for fear of doing it wrong. I know perfection doesn’t exist. Nobody is perfect, and I don’t expect perfection in others. It’s myself I seem to hold to a higher standard. Often if I don’t live up to that ideal, I feel like I’ve failed somehow. Then the feelings of shame make me want to hide away. Other times I recognize that I’m not even close, but I enjoy the journey regardless. I might dip my feet in before I find myself fully submerged in the water, so to speak. You learn more in the water than trying to avoid it. Unfortunately, I’ve found the same thing applies to my personal relationships.
Humans are complicated and sometimes we don’t even understand our own behavior let alone that of others. I’m generally pretty self aware, but this perfection issue came to mind recently and I just had to take a minute to reflect on it. Maybe others deal with the same thing? I am not perfect, have many flaws, and am afraid to let others see those flaws. Ironically then, perhaps I project an image that makes it seem like I’ve got it all together when I don’t. Or like I don’t care when I do. Or that I’m okay when I’m not. Why burden others with my struggles when they’ve got their own? If I’ve learned anything it’s that things go better when you ask for help. I shouldn’t let fear stop me from doing that. Fear of failure, shaming, belittlement, pity, judgment, ridicule, whatever. I don’t always know what I’m doing, despite what I may outwardly be trying to project. Which brings me back to the relationships thing. Maybe it’s just me and I over-complicate things, or maybe other people can relate. I was a psychology major, so I know this is bad, but I can’t help but compare myself to others. Not in the sense that oh I wish I looked like so and so or had what they do etcetera. No, I mean in terms of just being. I’m around myself 24/7, so I know everything about me. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I think only God and my immediate family know the ugly and I’m sorry to admit that it’s not pretty. I can’t believe myself sometimes! Lord, forgive me. I’m still a work in progress! God give us the patience to deal with each other, character flaws and all, and help us to change for the better each and every day. Here’s where the perfection thing comes into play. I have friends that seem to be truly righteous. They are living for the Lord, disciplined, and are generally wonderful human beings. Even their flaws, if any come to light, seem minor. With them, they make me strive to be better. As we are called, we build each other up. But I don’t feel like I can truly share each part of myself because they seem further in their walk with God than me. I can’t drag them down with me. I admire them, but I don’t feel I’m “there” yet. Would they understand? Then there’s the opposite side of the spectrum. I have friends that, because they are not believers, obviously don’t always make choices that would be pleasing to God. Some of these choices I wouldn’t make, though I can understand why they would. It’s a different worldview. Other choices I might make or have in the past, and it’s awkward to admit or talk about when I’m not supposed to be of the world. Sometimes I can identify more with this “outside” group than not. That’s good, but shouldn’t I also be setting an example? So I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. The world may see a “goody two-shoes” in me, but I see that in others. I don’t measure up there, and I don’t always want to. I like being unique. Individuality, nonconformity, creativity, all these things are admirable. Who wants another clone? We should be able to think for ourselves. However, I’m also no anarchist rebel. I believe in rules and order, they’re necessary to live in peace and avoid chaos. They might not be necessary if everyone truly loved each other, then nobody would seek to harm anyone else. However, the world is full of selfish people that don’t care if they toss others under a bus to get what they want. A result of the fall and man’s free will. For those that are not believers, I don’t think I’m better than anyone. In fact, sometimes I’m more comfortable in those crowds of people being “real” than in the seemingly “perfect” ones. Though I notice and know many are far from it. I’m certainly not perfect. I could list some of my more recent sins, but they’re not things I’m proud of. So what’s the deal with perfection in front of others? If we’re not perfect, the atheist takes that as ammo to criticize the church. We know only God is perfect, so why do we fear what is a fact? It’s true, we’re not perfect. We make mistakes. Christians can get mad, mess up, or fail. There are hypocrites both inside and out of church because we’re all human, not because religion had any influence. I don’t want to be a hypocrite, though I recognize I sometimes am. My brother can tell you that! Sorry bro! Then if we’re not perfect, we may cause a new Christian to stumble or a potential one to turn away. Pressure much? That person’s salvation rests in your hands, don’t mess it up! That’s not exactly true, though it may feel like it. God is always drawing people towards himself and we can only do so much. Our job is to plant seeds and for God to grow them. He’s in control, not us. Let Him use us as He may, and I’ll try not to mess things up when it’s my turn to say or do something. Think you’re not good enough to try? Think again! We’ll be dead before we’re holy saints, so we might as well join Peter and make some mistakes. He denied Jesus three times, told him he mustn’t die to which Jesus replied “get behind me Satan,” and Paul rebuked him for being a hypocrite and not eating with the gentiles as soon as the Jews showed up. And remember how Paul persecuted and killed many Christians before Damascus? Yet look at how many souls they brought to Christ, and how much Jesus loved them, flaws and all. Moses said he was not eloquent, but God told him to go. He failed to glorify God and as a result did not get to enter the Promised Land. David sinned with Bathsheba and her husband, at the cost of his son, but was forgiven. Again, both David and Moses did great things for God and His kingdom despite their flaws. We have their stories now to serve as examples, with both the good and the bad. God used imperfect disciples and leaders then, and He uses us now. When we start to get to know each other, flaws and all, believers or not, only then can we truly learn to understand one another and help each other grow. If you’re truly my friend, you won’t seek to harm me and won’t kick me when I’m down. You may not agree with me on everything, but if you did that would be boring. I’m not looking for a clone either. I love hearing different perspectives and opinions. They’re interesting and what make you who you are. I hope you can respect who I am and know that I’m still growing and learning too. I can’t be perfect if that’s what you’re seeking, look to God for that. But I can walk alongside you as we both journey through life. I can only hope that if you don’t believe, one day God finds you like He found me. It’s never too late. And if you do believe, know that I don’t expect you to be perfect either. We can grow together. Comments are closed.
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DisclaimerWhile I love open discussions, not all internet users are kind. I'd like to build people up, not have others cut people down. Therefore, no comments, but feel free to email me if there's something you'd like to share with me. Archives
July 2020
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